THE NEW AGE OF PROBLEM DRINKING

middle aged drinking

 

Recent figures show it’s middle-class professional women aged 45-64 who are now drinking the most, not teenagers.

For Jennifer, it was a family Sunday lunch that made her realise she had a problem.
Her daughter and son-in-law were coming over with their young children. Jennifer also invited her new neighbours, another young couple with children of a similar age.
The food was good, the children were happy, conversation flowed – and so did the wine.
But while the guests stopped drinking after a couple of glasses (the drive home/work the next day/children to put to bed), Jennifer kept going.

For her, the latter part of the afternoon becomes hazy.

‘I remember freeze-frames, flashbacks,’ says Jennifer. ‘My loud voice blathering away. My daughter’s mortified face. Her husband shepherding the children out of the door.’
When Jennifer woke some hours later on the sofa, with her usual dry mouth and aching neck, her house was dark and still. Her daughter had cleared up for her and left the place tidy.‘The worst aspect was knowing that I hadn’t drunk much more than I do most days,’ Jennifer admits. ‘The only difference was that this time there were people to see it.’
At 63, Jennifer, an affluent semi-retired therapist who never touches spirits but knows her wines, may not seem like the typical ‘problem drinker’. But that’s just what she is.
Recent figures show it’s middle-class professional women aged 45-64 who are now drinking the most.

A report by the Organisation for Economic Co-Operation and Development reveals that women in the UK are twice as likely to be problem drinkers if they have a good education: one woman in five who has been to university regularly drinks too much compared with one in ten among those with lower levels of education. The problem drinker is not the teenager bingeing on shots and alcopops – it’s the professional woman respected by her peers, perhaps retired, divorced or bereaved, who drinks wine at home, after 6pm.

And overwhelmingly the drink we’re talking about here is wine. It is regarded as a socially acceptable tipple, and women now consume significantly more wine than men.
The problem drinker is not the teenager bingeing on shots and alcopops, or the lonely man with cans of Special Brew – it’s the professional woman respected by her peers, perhaps retired, divorced or bereaved, who drinks wine at home, after 6pm, which she buys online with her weekly supermarket shop.

In some senses, Jennifer is the poster girl for this phenomenon.

Divorced 15 years ago, her professional life winding down, she spends increasing chunks of time by herself. Drink has featured in the background throughout her life – with friends, colleagues and at home with her husband.

‘My mother didn’t go to university, she didn’t work outside the home and I don’t think I saw her drink more than a glass of Advocaat,’ says Jennifer.
‘I’m the generation that wanted it all – and enjoying a drink was part of that liberation.’
In recent years, though, alcohol has switched from being fun and sociable to being her company.

‘You’re alone, there’s emptiness. A glass of wine and your problems retreat – but then you feel guilty about finishing off a bottle by yourself. So you open another to stop yourself dwelling on it. I’m a therapist – I see what’s happening.’

Ann Dowsett Johnston also developed alcohol dependence in her 50s.
Now 61, the Canadian writer has charted her struggle in her bestselling book Drink: The Intimate Relationship Between Women and Alcohol.

‘If you’ve been a career woman, raised a family, juggled, then wine has probably helped you decompress,’ she says. ‘If you’re a sophisticated professional, you’ve come to know your wines. It has become the modern woman’s steroid.

‘You get home from work, start cooking dinner – you don’t have time to do an hour of yoga so you pour a glass of sauvignon blanc instead. For years, one glass was enough for me but my 50s were difficult. There’s a perfect storm that happens in women’s lives,’ Johnston continues.

‘There was the menopause, my son leaving home, the sense of time passing. I was divorced and had moved to another city to take on an extremely stressful job. In the evenings, one glass became two and two became three.

‘It’s how women self-medicate if they’re anxious, lonely, stressed, depressed. It’s legal, it’s everywhere and it’s way easier than going to the GP.’

This rings true for Margaret, 71, who sought help for her drinking last October. A mother of two and grandmother of three, Margaret enjoyed a fulfilling career as a nurse, midwife, and counsellor (‘There are 27 letters after my name,’ she laughs).
She founded support groups for people with HIV, set up community treatment programmes and, through it all, barely drank a drop.

‘When I watch Holby City or Casualty, they’re all drinking after work, but that never happened for me,’ she says. ‘I was too busy and had to start my shift the next morning at seven.’

Based in various hospitals in the North, Margaret and her husband moved to a village in the Yorkshire Dales for her husband’s job.

‘He loves it here,’ she says. ‘I hate the isolation, but when I was working, it didn’t matter.
‘When I stopped, I felt alone. We live in a six-bedroom house in the middle of nowhere. In the daytime, our road is deserted – everyone’s at work.

‘My daughter and son live two hours away and are busy with their own lives; they only call when they want help with the grandchildren. My husband’s happy watching TV and pottering around. I love him, but he doesn’t talk much.’

On top of this, as can happen with age, Margaret was hit by health problems.
A cartilage injury in her knee meant surgery and weekly injections. She was then diagnosed with type 2 diabetes, despite having never been overweight and always being health conscious.

‘At first, I didn’t drink at home, but I started drinking more at family parties: my 25th wedding anniversary, my daughter’s wedding.

‘I had a few more glasses than everyone else. It made me bright and bouncy like I used to be I could enjoy myself again.’

As the years passed, Margaret started drinking at home, too.

‘Alcohol took me to a different world – and when you’re lonely, you need a different world,’ Margaret says.

‘I was popping out to get petrol or post a letter and coming back with a bottle of wine. It got to the point where I was drinking every day, but instead of making me happy, it made me nasty.

‘When I’d drunk enough, I’d phone my family and give them an earful or start picking on my husband.’

Last October, when her husband warned her that her drinking was going to split up the family, Margaret picked up the phone to ask for help.
The person she called was Sarah Turner, founder of Harrogate Sanctuary, which offers a bespoke service for women drinkers.

The average age of Turner’s clients is 47 – her oldest is 73.

‘For years, they may have denied there was a problem,’ she says.
‘Then something happens – a bad fall; a horrible row with their partner; another lost Christmas where they’ve been too drunk to participate.’.

According to Turner, ‘the myth of wine’ has a lot to answer for. Whether it’s Bridget Jones, Sex and the City or Last Tango in Halifax, it’s seen as utterly benign.
‘Everyone does it on TV, in films,’ says Turner.

‘It’s about laughing and good times, it’s fun and sophisticated. You don’t even need to leave the house to buy it, you can get it delivered. It comes in pretty bottles, not out of a tin – but the outcome is the same.’

Ann Dowsett Johnston agrees. ‘I have friends who are gluten-free, they only eat organic and they’re aware of transfats, but they don’t think twice about what wine is doing to their bodies.

‘Democratically, women are equal to men, but hormonally and metabolically, we’re not.’
In truth, women drinkers are at higher risk than men.

‘The impact of alcohol on women is far worse – even if they weigh the same as a man,’ says Dr Sarah Jarvis, GP and medical advisor for the charity Drinkaware.

Women have more body fat and less body water to dilute the alcohol consumed. They also have lower levels of the metabolising enzyme alcohol dehydrogenase, which helps eliminate alcohol from the body.

‘Women process it more slowly than men, especially as they get older.’

Liver disease sets in earlier for women than men, and drinking more than four alcoholic drinks a day quadruples a woman’s risk of dying from heart disease and increases her risk of breast cancer.

‘The increased risk of breast cancer is particularly worrying because there’s no lower limit,’ says Dr Jarvis.

‘One unit of alcohol a day increases your risk by seven to 11 per cent.’

Alcohol is also a significant risk factor in many other cancers, including colon and throat.
On top of that, for older women especially, is the danger of falls.

‘It’s one of the biggest issues,’ says Dr Jarvis.

‘One woman in three will develop osteoporosis, and alcohol is a major risk factor. You’ve had a few drinks, you’re unsteady, you fall, you fracture a bone. We focus a lot on young drinkers, but the over-55s are the greatest cost to the NHS.’

For women who do decide they have a problem, there are limited options.
‘Alcoholics Anonymous is not right for a lot of the women I see,’ says Sarah Turner.
‘Most of my clients are busy professionals – they don’t have time to go and beat themselves up in a church hall three times a week. They drink in an entirely different way to men.

‘A woman of 50 or 60 who is drinking two bottles of wine from Waitrose a day is not going to sit in a room full of people who are drinking two litres of vodka a day.’
Turner offers therapy online or face to face, for a minimum of six weeks.

‘For my clients, the fear of stopping drinking is as great as their fear of carrying on,’ she says.

‘I don’t say they have to stop for ever. They stop for the six weeks while we look at the issues behind it, reset reward patterns and find new coping mechanisms.
‘At the end of the six weeks, they have a choice.

‘Sarah cleared out a lot of clutter for me,’ says Margaret, who is also making an effort to get out and meet new people – she has joined an art class and a flower-arranging club.
Jennifer has chosen to cut down her wine consumption rather than stop completely. She is keeping at least three days a week alcohol free – and having no more than one or two glasses on other evenings.

‘There are no easy answers, but once you admit there’s a problem, you’re moving in the right direction and when you start waking in the morning with a clear head, feeling good about yourself and full of energy, you really believe that anything’s possible.’

Harrogate Sanctuary is also now offering couples therapy and believes that this will help both parties to understand the differences and issues why they have, perhaps over a long relationship developed an enabling situation.

THE NEW AGE OF PROBLEM DRINKING

B Ts Blog

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As we all hopefully are coming out of the shadows of lockdown, I have come out of my own dark place, thanks to Harrogate Sanctuary. The saying timing is everything could not be more appropriate.

I was drinking wine daily, at least a bottle a night, often more, and was desperately wanting to I thought, best case scenario, to operate controlled drinking, was far too scared to think of being alcohol free. Wine had been my ‘friend’ for 20 years, it was overwhelming to consider saying goodbye to it. But I was losing so much, at 54, my family had thrown the towel in, who can blame them, my work was getting done but I had no extra input to give and it was becoming more and more noticeable. I was constantly papering over the cracks. Being furloughed gave me an opportunity to drink when I felt like it, starting earlier and earlier in the afternoons, saving the mornings to get rid of empty bottles and buy full ones.

Then an acquaintance  found me crying in my car at the supermarket. When he asked what the matter was it came flooding out. He told me about his wife finding help from the Sanctuary, he showed such kindness and compassion plus had the empathy, rightly he said that I had nothing to lose, so I rang her. 

It was such a relief to be able to talk openly and honestly about the spiralling out of control with wine, she dealt with the background to it, and how to handle the triggers and many excuses I had for drinking too much. There was never an inconvenient time I wrote a diary every day for six weeks, Sarah responded quickly but with great care and insight. We spoke in the first week daily, I was such a mess, and so very tired. By the second week, sleep came, and although I had some excruciating cravings, Sarah could always give me a very good reason not to cave. We then got into a routine of calls, sometimes texting as well, with the diary often I would write more than one a day, each one was followed up rapidly, the 42 days of those and the responses I have printed off and put in my bedroom side table drawer, it has been quite a journey!

I have not had a drink for six weeks, and even though Sarah has been quite poorly she has still kept in touch, and been as reliable as ever. The best outcome is that I don’t want one either!

The method of the Sanctuary suited me, it fitted in with my schedule and gave me structure, I never had to wait for call backs, there were tears but much laughter too, and shall now come out of lockdown excited rather than terrified of getting out into the working world again, the new normal, without wishing the time away to getting home for the guilt fest of wine o’clock.

 

 

B Ts Blog

V Ks Blog

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I found Sarah after reading the Sober Revolution. I was sat in a bar in Spain having afternoon wine whilst my son sat on his iPad, I knew it wasn’t right and I needed help, so I emailed the Harrogate Sanctuary.
The course is 6 weeks of daily emails with weekly FaceTime. I went for a face to face chat prior to the lockdown with Sarah and I immediately clicked with her. She was so warm, understanding, empathetic, non judgmental and she made me laugh when I was in a terrible place.
Throughout the course Sarah made me think differently about I see alcohol and how I feel about myself.  I felt I could tell her anything, without being judged, she has been where I was so totally understands.
I have tried several times to stop drinking, through various different methods without success. Sarah’s methods have worked I am now AF, feel amazing, I’m happy and feel good about myself, the real me has emerged from the black hole that alcohol drags you into and for that I thank her from the bottom of my heart and I’m sure my boy does to.

V Ks Blog

Misplaced Alcohol Awareness

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In March 2007 Sir Ian Gilmore, President of  Royal College of Physicians from 2006-2010, producing a very insightful report titled “Alcohol – can the NHS afford it”, and argued that the Government’s alcohol awareness campaigns focus too much on young binge drinkers. He stressed that older people drinking at home were also at risk of the severe health consequences linked to high alcohol consumption. More adults in the UK drink at home than in any other European country. Alcoholic liver disease has increased tenfold over the last three decades.

Today, we hear and see that drinking daily has been normalised, measured always in glasses, often in bottles of wine. We never measure units at home, just how many refills we have. Two or three glasses are considered acceptable. Taking into account that most who now drink out of 250ml glasses, three of them can easily represent a bottle. In a cohort study from the 1970s, drinking more than 9 units of alcohol a week was considered to be harmful. Nine units is not even 1 bottle of wine at 14% ABV. So now perceived as normal or at least condoned, is very often 70 units a week for women.

The cost to health is being measured, but as Sir Ian pointed out, ignored by Government. The over 55s are now the biggest burden in terms of cost to the NHS with alcohol related illnesses. This of course does not take into account the human and emotional cost that has been wrought before these people become seriously ill. Figures of 3 to 4 billion spent are bandied around, as if that also is acceptable. The average cost of drinking alcohol far exceeds that figure, along with the tax that supports our healthcare service, it is a pretty penny, no matter what you earn.

To reach 55 and over, and succumb to alcohol related illness, you have to have been caning it for some time. You have most probably been parenting and working. I have asked the question so many times and been pushed to one side, that is, where does the Government think the young binge drinkers have come from? There are far fewer these days, in fact drinking by many is rejected, and expressions such as ‘Sober is the new Drunk’ is where it is at, many see it as unattractive and a waste of time and money. They have felt embarrassed by their parents drinking and not tried to copy that. They also see the damage if 1 of the 60 medical conditions to choose from related to alcohol is diagnosed.

We all know that stats are under estimated, none more so than those collected on alcohol misuse, as a once practised member of the Denial Club, I cannot count the number of times I defended my position, with as much skill as a downhill racer.

Yet the Gold Standard of 12 steps is still adhered to, even though, clearly alcohol misuse and its consequences are on the rise. Surely it is time to look at other options? Crucially, I believe, age & gender specific care, a specialist service that exists outside of the mainstream. Or is this simplistic?  Looking at my stats, that don’t lie, I think tailored care has to be the way forward, and alcohol awareness be focused on the pivotal role of parents, and grandparents in society.

Sadly the Sir Ian, nothing has changed.

 

Misplaced Alcohol Awareness

Time to Hear us Roar

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For the last few weeks, the media have been not only been constantly reporting frightening and very intensive news regarding the Coronavirus, but has also caused sheer panic. According to figures I can find, since the start of the pandemic, there has been 165,257 deaths worldwide linked to it. Meantime it is reported that 3 million people a year die from alcohol dependency, in the last 5 months that equates to 1,250,000.
I watch the comments that rage often about those who are affected with alcohol dependency have a choice, that it is a voluntary act, and their fault. That leads to more and more, most especially now isolating themselves, not seeking help, and certainly not going to hospitals for treatment. They already feel like a burden, shameful and riddled with anxiety, perhaps joining online groups but that is as far as they dare go. They are judged, dramatically so. Unlike so many other differences with people today, being hooked on alcohol, is still the last taboo. None of us who began our drinking career with a carefree, fun attitude, decided that we would become drunkards. We are wired differently, and it is a question of all or nothing for us.
If people want vent and blame, then direct your anger to Big Alcohol, when you are vulnerable and often have other mental health issues it makes you easy prey, we are not stupid and realise that our behaviour does seem insane. It is, but so is being unable to access the appropriate care and empathy for those who struggle. The marketing of alcohol as a treat and a ‘must have’ relaxant, the virtual meet ups that now have appeared on social media that are having wine time normalised around 4pm, make the failure of control even more intense.
Many of my clients are over 45, and not connected quite so much to the internet for socialising, at least in what were normal times, those over 55 simply don’t want to be sociable if they have been drinking for years, especially in the current climate, they drink home alone, and when they do have only alcohol to turn to, it is a form of brainwashing doing the same thing over and over again and expecting a different result. The best definition of insanity from Einstein. It is a disease, not a choice.
If there had been as much coverage of this dark and silent Pandemic as there has with Covid-19 , day in, day out would we have sympathy or scorn?
I have enormous respect for the NHS, and it is not their fault that there is lack of funding for help with addictions, but the Governments. Now they are trying to do their absolute best to treat those afflicted with Corona and survive themselves.  The Government is not doing enough to protect them.
We all prefer real time contact, that has now diminished and is causing agony in a strange world, with I believe an even stranger one world once the lockdown is over.
The point of this is to make it truly clear I hope that we need specialist care for alcohol dependency, not blanket coverage. Those working in this area need to come together and formulate a plan to join forces to make this happen, we all are tribal, and need to direct our experiences to those who we completely relate to, and why their circumstances have led them to their misuse.
Therapists and counsellors need to support each other, and attempt to find a solution, we are a worldwide community and rather than being stalled we should be stunned into action to and have an independent organisation that works towards one goal. We cannot be expected to come up with any cures, whilst Big Alcohol is in the driving seat there will never be one, but we must all communicate, and I know that many will be able to raise awareness via the press and news programmes. We need to make the legal drug pushers and Governments accountable and give those who are afflicted with this disease a voice and not be castigated for speaking out.

We must come together and ROAR.

 

Time to Hear us Roar

Helen’s Blog

meadow

 

 

I was always a sociable person and had many friends. From an early age I was often invited to parties and I really enjoyed it. During my teenage years alcohol started to be a part of what I consumed at parties and I enjoyed it, but not overly so. But drink alcohol is what we Swedes do when we want to celebrate. With time I started to think that I needed alcohol to enjoy a party, even though I had always enjoyed parties as a child. My preferred tipple was Champagne and Chardonnay. That was what the beautiful women on TV consumed and I wanted to be the same.

I drank alcohol for about 25 years but for some reason I never turned into a glamorous woman portrayed on the TV. I turned into a bloated, red-faced, self-pitying person who lost control over her emotions. After my drinking sessions I suffered from guilt and anxiety since I did not remember what I had said or done. It was horrific.

I never lost my job, my marriage, my children or my house due to my drinking, but I lost my self-respect. And I knew that this was not sustainable. There are loads of drunkards in my family so I knew that things could get a lot worse if I did not pick myself up.

I did try the mainstream groups, but somehow couldn’t make the work for me and felt like a square peg in a round hole. Instead I found Harrogate Sanctuary after searching for therapy. Sarah managed to change my thinking, my drinking thinking! I am now well into my fifth month alcohol-free and I have not felt so good in years.

So what have I discovered in my journey? Quite a few things actually and some of them surprising; You do not need to drink alcohol to have fun at a party. I have now been sober on many social occasions and I am having just as much fun as I did when I was drinking. The difference is that I now remember everything that happened and I don’t get overemotional and insincere.

When you are not experiencing the ups and downs of being drunk and hung-over you get much more mental clarity. With mental clarity comes insight in how you want to spend your time.

Your patience increases tenfold. I used to try and rush my children at bedtime so I could go downstairs and drink chardonnay. Now, I am enjoying our conversations at bedtime and I feel more close to them than ever.

Intimacy with your spouse becomes different. Alcohol can sometimes make you look for sexual kicks while you are on your drunken high, but there is no intimacy in that. Just release. Now when I am initiating intercourse with my husband it is much more intimate since it is a genuine connection that is being made.

I find it easier to handle relatives and difficult situations with calm and presence. Every year there is so much stress surrounding Easter, Birthdays and Christmas, and who spends them with us.

I have an easier time to set boundaries and saying no. People pleasing is quite common among women who misuse alcohol. Initially alcohol provides the relief from trying to meet various demands. It is at wine o’clock you anesthetize yourself from everyone else’s demands. Now I have started to say no and consider my own needs. And that does not include wine.

I don’t procrastinate anymore. I used to think that I was a procrastinator, but it turns out that without alcohol I am not. In fact I am person who gets things done. Who knew? I didn’t because I was so focused on handling my life whilst drinking unhealthily. Since I now don’t drink poison disguised as a treat, I am in a position to be myself and sort things out I am getting my self-respect back. Slowly I am building myself up and showing myself care and consideration. When I was drinking I was always feeling guilty about someone else and never prioritized myself. I felt I did not deserve that, but now I know that I do. I have a right to say no and to take care of my own needs.

I think women today are socialized into thinking that they are responsible for everyone’s emotional needs: family, relatives, colleagues whilst at the same time they have been led to believe that they can have it all. These unrealistic expectations are making women push themselves too hard and if you combine that with alcohol you have set yourself up for a burnout.

I am so glad I stopped drinking alcohol. My life is fuller, more satisfying and I am starting to trust my own judgment again. In this culture you need to be in touch with your inner self and your values. That is not possible with wine in your life as it distorts your inner life. The only thing I regret today is that I did not give up alcohol sooner. What a waste of time wine drinking turned out to be. Now we are all quite understandably terrified of the COVID-19 virus, and in turn I am reading how much more alcohol is being sold, there is no doubt I would have numbed out the fear with wine, rather than face it.

What a waste of time wine drinking turned out to be!

 

 

 

Helen’s Blog

The Silent Pandemic

Older drinkers

 

We are now following other countries across the globe, most especially Europe into the lock down phase with Coronavirus. As of now, 15,433 have died from the outbreak, with over 358.000  recorded positive results worldwide. The news, social media, and newspapers are running with this 24/7. It has taken approximately four months to be recognised as a pandemic. It is now regarded as the most dangerously infectious disease on the planet, and is resulting in not only the tragic deaths, but a surge in mental health problems, anxiety and loneliness. There are people who disregarded all the information to stay in isolation this weekend, causing an uproar because of what was seen as irresponsible behaviour, selfish and thoughtless. Pubs, restaurants and bars are closed, but of course prior to the final curtain, the last night of being able to go to your local saw them packed. There is no shortage of booze as far as I can see in shops and supermarkets, no need for stockpiling the shelves will never run dry, there is far too much for Big Alcohol to lose, given the potential boom that will happen with such loneliness and stress building.

The point that I am trying to make with this blog is that Alcohol directly kills £3M people a year worldwide. It is also a causal factor in over 200 disease and injury conditions. So only based on direct deaths, that represents £750000 in four months. If this information was streamed daily, and experts and politicians told us that this was a pandemic and to stop immediately would we? Would it change the lifestyles of so many to the point of them calling time asap?

I can hear the cry, that alcohol dependence is a choice COVID-19 is not. But the crowds that poured onto beaches and into the countryside at the weekend had a choice, and decided to ignore the advice and guidelines, and risked not only their lives but that of others. Alcohol misuse and following rules has to come down to Willingness, information and a big dollop of compassion.

Coronavirus is loud, scary and is not only affecting the elderly. Alcohol is worse, it most definitely can kill and maim at any age. There is stigma, judgement and unkindness thrown at so many who suffer from drinking too much. A cure has been sought for centuries, halfheartedly imo, with no success. If however, the same amount of time and money, appropriate care had have been put in place eons ago for this potentially life threatening substance we may not being seeing the silent pandemic that will go on far longer than any virus ever will. Loneliness is one of the major triggers that leads to a dependence that none of us who have experienced it would want to wish on anyone. 

Please don’t feel ashamed to admit you need help and now, it is one of the most courageous steps you will ever take.

 

 

The Silent Pandemic

Controlled Drinking Therapy

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Drinking in social situations can be fine once you have the control back, and potentially achievable given the right attitude along with the stage you are at with drinking, as I have always said one size does not fit all. I have never wanted to stop anyone having fun, but using wine mainly, as some sort of reward on a daily basis rarely is that.  At home and often alone, it is a form of self-medication, and the longer it goes on the more justification and excuses are found to carry on. It is not a weakness on your part more of a con trick by Big Alcohol and a habit.

There are many women and couples out there that do enjoy social drinking, and these individual appointments online are  for their benefit, giving them the ability to stick to drinking moderately for pleasure and not pain. I have had many years of experience giving therapy for alcohol dependence, and will continue to do so, but also have seen clients who were not hooked on alcohol but had found themselves falling into a routine of using wine primarily because the first drink does give a buzz, seems like a relaxant after busy days and realising that after three or four, it had become the opposite of that. They tend to drink far more behind closed doors than they ever would out with friends or at events, and I have formulated a tool box to make this possible for those of you who are concerned that your drinking starting to be a problem. My Six Week Programme does advocate an Alcohol Free lifestyle, but I know there is a gap for those of you who would prefer to socialise with a couple of glasses of wine. Given the current situation with the Coronavirus staying at home, self isolating may mean that you are not currently going out as much as usual, but there is no reason to operate control within the home, and set goals of how use alcohol. It is important to have accountability, and to be able to have encouragement and a plan rather than trying to go it alone. It can be possible given the right support for those of you who are not in a vice like grip with alcohol. It starts and ends with your decision making and as ever with my work this is client led, you decide, and enable the type of lifestyle you want.

For me, I know that I cannot moderate, but even so, I do believe that if there is a chance of people cutting down the amount they drink it is a step in the right direction, and may well lead to those who have therapy to control their drinking, that some may decide to stop altogether. The aim of this is not to judge, but to help with having a much healthier approach to what could become a very disruptive, the ripple effect of on families, work and friends making for a very frightening future.

This is quite retro, back in my parents days, I am of the baby boomer generation, there was never every day at home drinking, wine was only drunk at parties or over special occasional dinners, with much excitement by the hosts about the type of wine it was and taste.

There is no need to attend group meetings, or even leave your home. I do intend to give an opportunity to like-minded women and couples share their stories with each other if they wish, via technology. We are all tribal and this would be almost like a match making exercise.

I have no intention of having a random chatroom or website, there is a great deal of trolling and unkindness often within these places. My work has always been extremely private, and I understand that blanket coverage of this issue rarely is successful, we are all so unique.

You can choose how many sessions with me you prefer, and when. The first consultation is always free, and gives me the opportunity to ascertain whether this approach would be suitable for you and yours.

If you would like to learn more please, email, sarah@harrogatesanctuary.com or on mobile 07528273009 office number 01423-779030.

Sarah

 

Controlled Drinking Therapy

Loneliness & Alcohol

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For many women over fifty, loneliness can play a very big part in drinking becoming a habit, developing into a dependence.

Perhaps they are homemakers, mothers, or divorcees along with those who are widowed. Their children have left home, even if they are still married, it maybe that after years of putting their all into the children, there has not been the opportunity to take up hobbies that maybe husbands do. So many husbands in this age bracket, the baby boomer generation certainly did fun stuff with their children but left the day to day necessary jobs to the Mother. Sorry to sound sexist, just the way it is.  I often hear from clients that marriage later on in life seems very separate, they don’t talk anymore. 

What once had been a social activity starts to be more useful as a numbing out tool. Doubts about the future, over thinking what now, rears it’s ugly head. There is no doubt that alcohol most certainly will be a very temporary escape, but for them it works, makes them feel less alone. The time spend with a bottle or two of Pinot,  stops the what if thinking. Isolation sets in, not wanting to be found out, secrecy is rampant, and lies trip off the tongue. 

Much of the need does stem from loneliness, they don’t want to cut themselves off, it creeps up gradually until having any light conversations or positive thoughts fly out of the window. Because there is nothing exciting or new going on, simply they have nothing to talk about. As this subject is so stigmatised, not even being able to share the problem is on the agenda.

Ageing, not having support, feeling worthless their unconditional ‘friend’ in a bottle blurs out the emptiness and although the intention is not to be a burden, has the ripple effect of worrying all who love them. There is such a lack of self esteem at this stage, and exhaustion, that the thought of having to stop and make enormous effort to start to mix again with wine seems impossible. These women, clients I see, do not want to go into group meetings they need intense talking therapy, someone they trust and therefore are accountable to, and not imagine for one second that their lives are over. Good advice and always meant well by family especially is ignored, this does need third party invention with no judgement only empathy.

Loneliness I believe is another silent epidemic that is creating both mental and physical issues for thousands of women.

Loneliness & Alcohol