B Ts Blog

meadow

As we all hopefully are coming out of the shadows of lockdown, I have come out of my own dark place, thanks to Harrogate Sanctuary. The saying timing is everything could not be more appropriate.

I was drinking wine daily, at least a bottle a night, often more, and was desperately wanting to I thought, best case scenario, to operate controlled drinking, was far too scared to think of being alcohol free. Wine had been my ‘friend’ for 20 years, it was overwhelming to consider saying goodbye to it. But I was losing so much, at 54, my family had thrown the towel in, who can blame them, my work was getting done but I had no extra input to give and it was becoming more and more noticeable. I was constantly papering over the cracks. Being furloughed gave me an opportunity to drink when I felt like it, starting earlier and earlier in the afternoons, saving the mornings to get rid of empty bottles and buy full ones.

Then an acquaintance  found me crying in my car at the supermarket. When he asked what the matter was it came flooding out. He told me about his wife finding help from the Sanctuary, he showed such kindness and compassion plus had the empathy, rightly he said that I had nothing to lose, so I rang her. 

It was such a relief to be able to talk openly and honestly about the spiralling out of control with wine, she dealt with the background to it, and how to handle the triggers and many excuses I had for drinking too much. There was never an inconvenient time I wrote a diary every day for six weeks, Sarah responded quickly but with great care and insight. We spoke in the first week daily, I was such a mess, and so very tired. By the second week, sleep came, and although I had some excruciating cravings, Sarah could always give me a very good reason not to cave. We then got into a routine of calls, sometimes texting as well, with the diary often I would write more than one a day, each one was followed up rapidly, the 42 days of those and the responses I have printed off and put in my bedroom side table drawer, it has been quite a journey!

I have not had a drink for six weeks, and even though Sarah has been quite poorly she has still kept in touch, and been as reliable as ever. The best outcome is that I don’t want one either!

The method of the Sanctuary suited me, it fitted in with my schedule and gave me structure, I never had to wait for call backs, there were tears but much laughter too, and shall now come out of lockdown excited rather than terrified of getting out into the working world again, the new normal, without wishing the time away to getting home for the guilt fest of wine o’clock.

 

 

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